pants to church

I wore pants to church today.  There are no rules against women wearing pants in a Mormon church, but culturally skirts and dresses are definitely the norm.  I can remember only one other time, when not camping, that I wore pants to church in all my 30+ years of attending church.  For an explanation of the issues and history see here.  I think this post matches my feelings and motivation.

It was an interesting Sunday, atypical in so many ways.  Lonnie had to go out of town for work, and we decided to come along with him and enjoy a change of scenery.  On Saturday we drove the 6 hours from Auckland to Napier.  Lonnie had to work on Sunday morning, which thankfully only happens maybe once a year, and we were left without a car.  While I had initially thought I could walk with the kids to church, after seeing that it would take an adult more than 40 mins to walk I decided it wasn't very smart to try and get my two 4 1/2 year olds (Max and Maya) plus my 18 month old (Trent) to walk that far.  Even with the pram we would have arrived grumpy and sweaty.  So I decided to call a taxi (I had never before taken a taxi to church).  I arrived at an unknown ward, in a taxi, as a single mom (for the day) of three young kids, wearing pants.

We arrived just as the opening hymn was being sung and found a seat next to a young woman.  I was nervous about getting the kids to sit still, which is hard on a normal Sunday, without the help of my husband.  My kids did alright.  I chose to ignore their noise a couple of times, as there was no way of leaving sacrament meeting with just one child.  I would have been followed by all three and once we were out of the chapel it would have required my best WWF moves to keep them in the building.  If I had not been alone I probably would have taken Trent out, but it wasn't really an option, so we had to stick it out.  The young woman sitting in our row was kind when my daughter slid over next to her and asked her to color in her My Little Pony book.  Thankfully we didn't get too many looks for being so loud even though it was a quiet ward and we definitely raised the noise level.

I really enjoyed the talks that day.  The ward was largely Maori and Pacific Islander.   A young woman talked about becoming a missionary rather than going on a mission.  She was waiting on her call.  A man talked about his life.  Shortly after he was baptized he had gone inactive for several years.  He later felt a call to come back to church and work on his family history.  The talks were honest and genuine.

I held on through sacrament meeting with the hope of dropping Max and Maya off at Primary and Trent off at nursery.  Unfortunately the ward lacked our age group and there weren't classes for any of them.  I started to feel nervous.  Was it a mistake to come to church today?  I couldn't possibly get the kids to sit still through two more hours of meetings.  I looked and felt out of place.  Thankfully the Relief Society President came over and talked to me.  Then the Primary leaders found a teacher for Max and Maya.  The teacher was a kind, older woman who put me at ease.  Trent and I went along with Max and Maya to the first hour of class time.  When all three kids were done with sitting still we walked with the teacher over to a stream to feed the ducks.  She never asked about my lack of husband, car or skirt.

When it came time for Primary singing time Max and Maya happily went with the teacher and I took Trent with me to Relief Society.  I walked in late and sat in a row by myself to give Trent room to run around.  The woman in the row in front of me smiled and welcomed me.  The lesson was on temporal salvation and had a lot of participation.  There was even some respectful disagreement while talking about the dole.  I was impressed that the women were able to disagree with one another and not make sweeping generalizations.

I was so busy chasing kids and trying to find a place for us at church that I didn't really have time to think about the fact that I was wearing pants other than the fact that it made it easier to wrestle the wiggly kids.  I didn't feel like anyone looked at me strangely.  I was warmly greeted and treated very kindly.  In some ways I think it was easier because it wasn't my ward.  No one knew me so they didn't have expectations as to how I should be dressed.

I gave a big smile to the only other woman I saw wearing pants when I crossed her in the hall chasing my kids to Primary.  She had spiky hair and a happy smile and was talking to a lot of people.  I thought, maybe she was wearing pants for the same reason I was, although I knew that the "pants event" probably wasn't as well known here in New Zealand as it would be in Utah.  I wasn't able to talk with her until just before we left to go home. 

Lonnie was running late when he came to get us.  He was dressed in his field work clothes and was wearing dirty work boots.  The other woman who was also wearing pants had a sweet seven year old son with autistim who had kept Max and Maya happy while we were waiting.  The woman was a recent convert to the church, having been baptized when her husband, who was less active, had begun attending church services again.

When I told her I liked her pants she said that it was all she had to wear.  I told her that it was only cultural that women traditionally wear dresses to church and that she should feel confident that she looked great and was perfectly dressed for church.  I was happy to be wearing pants if only to let her know that she wasn't the only one wearing pants that Sunday.

It was a good experience to feel for the day what someone might feel like coming to church as a bit of an outsider.  There is a real strength in gaining a persective on what others might feel. 

Of course, it is not about the pants.  It doesn't really matter what you wear to church as long as you are being respectful.  What does matter is that we recognize that there are aspects of our church culture that don't match our true doctorine.  There are women (and others) in the church who are hurting because of  cultural limitations that are not rooted in true doctrines of Christ.  I wore pants to church in hopes of opening up a dialogue seeking for greater compassion for those hurting.

I love this scripture in the Book of Mormom:

2 Nephi 26:33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he ^ainviteth them ^ball to ^ccome unto him and partake of his goodness; and he ^ddenieth none that come unto him, black and white, ^ebond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the ^fheathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

We are all invited to come unto Him.  Racism, economic discrimination, sexism, judgement, and religious discrimination have no place in the church.  Wearing pants to church was a small sign to show that I recognize the pain of feeling unwelcomed or undervalued at church.

We are all alike unto God.   

I'd love to hear about your expereiences.  What do you think?

snuggle time

jumping in

I wanted Trent to wait until Max and Maya were done with their bath, but he had a different idea and jumped in fully clothed.  

scandrett regional park

Scandrett is an old farm.  The kids had a nice time exploring through the buildings.  

Max and Maya climbing a pohutakawa tree.  This beach would be even more amazing with the trees in bloom.

We went on the Mullet Point walk.  It was a nice easy walk, although a little too steep in once place for a pram.  Max especially loved chasing the sheep.  More amazing views of Auckland harbor.  

We spotted a large pod of dolphins in the water and watched them swim around the point.  

The kids, along with Oliver S., right before I accidentally knocked Maya down.  

trent

For the past six months Trent has had four top teeth and four bottom teeth.  He is currently getting six more all at once....needless to say, it has been a long, grumpy, snot nosed week.

But here is a funny moment....
Trent has started talking more and this was a recent conversation.

Mom: "Trent, say Max."
Trent: "Maaa!"
Mom: "Trent, say Maya."
Trent: "Myyy!"
Mom: "Say Mom"
Trent: "Mama!"
Mom: "Say Dad"
Trent: "Dada!"
Mom: "Trent, say Trent"
Trent: "ME!!!"

halloween

Halloween isn't a big holiday in New Zealand, which is nice that there is little pressure on me to spend hours and $$ on cool costumes.

Max wanted to be Spiderman, so we borrowed a costume from a friend.  Max has never seen a Spiderman movie but he likes the idea of having super powers.

Maya wanted to be a princess.  I have been fighting the inevitable princess obsession, but gave in Lonnie convinced me I was making too big of a deal out of it.  Anyway, I fixed up her old dress up and she loved it.

She also insisted on wearing sunglasses while we are at our ward Trunk or Treat.

Trent was the only child that couldn't share on opinion on what he wanted to wear so I could dress him however I wanted.  I figured with The Hobbit coming out this year, and living in New Zealand our little man should be a Hobbit.  He fit the role perfectly.  He already has a very Hobbit-like wobbly walk.  He eats more than 5 times a day and he is much too brave for his own good. 

Yes, that is a Twilight bucket.  No I don't know where he got it, but I can promise you it didn't come from me.  He probably stole it from a teenage girl at the Trunk or Treat.  No one can say no to those chubby cheeks.

Our little Hobbit was the star of the show.  He looked darling and LOVED collecting candy for some of the neighbors.

arataki visitor's centre

Took a Sunday drive up to the Aritaki Visitor's Centre in the Waitakare Ranges.   It was a great stop off on a lovely drive through the ranges west of Auckland.  

california science center

We spent our last day in the States, with a stop over in Los Angeles.  I was great to see Aimee and Andrew again and we also spent some time at the California Science Center.  I hadn't been there for a very long time and it was amazing.  A definite hit all three of the kids and apart from paying for parking it was free!  

Among other really cool things, like a wall of frozen ice, there was a huge aquarium with surf, that you could see from the top or underneath.  

Maya walked around with a monkey wrapped around her all day long.

Trent about to eat a shark.

The Ginger  News

time with nana and papa

With my parents living in London, and our living in New Zealand we are exactly opposite sides of the world.  You really can't get further away.   While we were all in the States we only had a little more than a week to spend with my parents before they rushed back to London to prepare for their move and retirement coming up in December.   After the family gathering in California we all headed up to Salt Lake City.

We took a drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon to Silver Lake.  After a bit of encouragement Maya enjoyed the hike and even managed to smile for a photo with her Nana.  The weather was beautiful and warm and the leaves were just about ready to change for Autumn.

I went with my mom and dad and five kids to the Hogel Zoo.  It was a busy day and we lost Max more than a couple of times.  After raising five kids of her own I was surprised at how stressed it made my mom.  She commended that she now understood how her mom felt.

Trent, Maya, Stella, Max and Sam acting like monkeys.  

Nana and Papa bought everyone their own ice cream cones.  

It was nice to see how quickly Max and Maya felt connected to their cousins.  Sam and Stella were very kind in sharing their home and toys with their younger-mess-making cousins.

We also took a ride on the carousel.  

We probably should have taken a group photo before the kids were fried.  

We also enjoyed quite a bit of time at my parents house, where Laura and Tom and family are currently living.   We watched lots of sunsets, played lots of "Ticket to Ride",  hosted friends, watched British television shows and most importantly had lots of time to talk.  

mercer boating

During our visit to Utah, we were able to spend one Saturday boating and wakeboarding, which is an activity that is integral to Lonnie's family.  The Mercers are pretty serious about their boating/wakeboarding/waterskiing, and Lonnie was raised going out to the lake a lot during the summers.  As soon as summer came around when Lonnie and I were dating, we went out to the lake, and I learned to wakeboard.

Going wakeboarding with his family is probably one of the things that Lonnie misses the most while living away.  Plus, our kids had never been out boating with the Mercers, so this boating trip was almost like a time for Maya, Max, and Trent to become real Mercers (or maybe that comes when they learn to waterski or wakeboard...).

We went out to the lake with Lonnie's brother Darin and his family as well as Lucky (Lonnie's youngest brother).  The weather was perfect...sunny, warm, and calm.  Despite it being about 5 years since my last wakeboarding run, I was able to get up after a few attempts.  The kids had so much fun with their cousins, and Max had to try and see every little corner of the boat.