Tuesday, September 18, 2007

two years

On Sunday at church our Relief Society meeting was about marriage. After reading a beautiful story about a couple married for over 50 years the teacher asked if we had ever been strengthened by a trial in marriage. Thinking about how our struggle to have children has brought us closer together, I wanted to share. Thinking that I normally can pull together coherent comment, I raised me hand. Unfortunately Sunday was not a regular day, I was in the middle of an infertility-drug-induced-hormone -roller-coaster and it was the day before my anniversary.

I started to say that Lonnie is not a romantic man. He doesn't bring me flowers, he doesn't make plan romantic plans for our anniversary, without much insistence, etc... Then I just started blubbering and crying which I believe by most was interpreted as meaning that I was sad that I wasn't married to a Don Juan. Or that I was sad that Lonnie didn't have another honeymoon trip planned for our anniversary. I kept talking but I can't really even remember what I was saying, blah, blah, blah.....

What I wanted to say is that more important and more essential to our marriage, Lonnie is my strength when I am weak. He is my shield from pain and my defender from my own self deprecation. When it really counts Lonnie is always the perfect husband.

If I want flowers, I can buy them myself. But after two years of being married to Lonnie I am a kinder, more considerate, more confidant person.

Two years ago Lonnie and I were married in Manti, Utah. It was a breezy and beautiful day. People often say that their wedding day was the best day of their life. I can't really say that, not that the day wasn't amazing. We were surrounded by family and friends and everything went as planned. To be honest I was in a daze most of the day. I was so happy and giddy to be married to Lonnie that I floated through the whole day. But it wasn't the happiest day of my life. The happiest days of my life have been every day since then.

I can't imagine being happier, more fulfilled, better appreciated, more respected or more loved than I am with Lonnie. As a 30-year-old getting married I had expected more of an adjustment to marriage. But some days I can't remember life without Lonnie at my side, building my confidence, filling my spirit and strengthening my heart.