The past several weekends, Lonnie has been away from home helping with post Hurricane Ike cleanup. Our area was not as seriously affected by the hurricane as other areas not too far away, where there is a lot of work that needs to be done. Lonnie has gone to Galveston and Bridge City to help muck out houses and remove debris caused by the hurricane and the rising flood waters. Due to the fact that Lonnie is also the Elder's Quorum President at church, he has also spent many weeknights on the phone organizing volunteers for the weekend work.
It has been hard having him busy and gone, and I have found myself complaining about the time that he could be spending with the family even though I know that the service he offers in important and necessary. I have always considered myself a service-oriented person, but now when faced with having to share my husband, I have am having a hard time being able to give.
I have realized what is most upsetting is that I can't go and help along side Lonnie. I can't dig through debris and nurse my babies at the same time. I can't be a mother and be on the front lines in a disaster. The service that I offer now is the same service that I offer day in and day out, I care for my children. While I do not in anyway discount this service and its value, it is yet a significant adjustment for the activities I was previously involved in.
I had always assumed that I would be able to put my baby in a sling and take my children along on my service-oriented adventures, but I didn't expect motherhood to be so all consuming. I didn't expect that I would be so tired all the time. And I didn't expect to have two babies at once.
Maybe, as my children get a little older and I get a little more skilled at mothering, I will be able to again venture out into the world and find ways to be involved and allow the kids to also be involved in service, but in the meantime I need to do some adjusting. I need to more willingly and happily allow my husband to leave me on the weekends and offer the service that I can not offer myself.