30 weeks

I am 30 weeks pregnant this week.   Three years ago at the exact same time, on the other side of the hemisphere I was also 30 weeks pregnant.  Our newest little one is due on exactly the same day that Max and Maya were due.  Of course, Max and Maya came five weeks early.  We are hoping to avoid that this time around.  You won't hear me complaining about being overdue (at least I hope not).  I want a fully cooked baby this time.  I want one that comes out and starts breastfeeding from the start  (5 hours a day of pumping for four months was not easy) and comes straight home skipping any NICU time.  I am also hoping that baby#3 will weigh almost as much as Max and Maya combined 8 lbs 6 oz.

It is hard to believe that I am already in my third trimester, let alone 10 short weeks from having a new baby.   Despite chasing around and potty training two toddlers who can out run me due to my wobbly ankle this pregnancy has been so much easier than my first.  I still have a weak stomach and will occasionally lose my lunch, but it is nothing compared to my twin pregnancy.  I don't have gestational diabetes this time and I feel better in general.

Aside from my health my feelings are quite different also.  With my first pregnancy I was excited to become a mother.  I'm not sure exactly what I expected motherhood to be but I wanted to dress the kids in cute clothes, change diapers, breastfeed, baby wear (didn't quite happen with twins and and exhausted mother).  I wanted to go to play groups and participate in mommy-conversations.

This time around I'm more interested in finding out about this little guy's personality.  What will he add to our family?  How will he chance the balance that we have created?  More than thinking about a new baby I am looking forward to meeting this new person who will be part of our family.  I also hope that I will be better equipped to deal with the long weeks (I'm hoping not months) of sleep deprivation, knowing this time around that it will come to an end eventually.   I have some fear that I will feel that desperation again this time around but I hopeful that I will be able to better cope with new motherhood better this second time around.

Motherhood didn't start out quite the way I imagined.  Max and Maya were born via c-section at 35 weeks.  They were only about 4lbs each.  It took months of determination and stubbornness before they would learn to breastfeed and I could leave the house for more than a 10 walk around the neighborhood.  I was exhausted and felt desperation sinking in until finally I was able to regularly get good night's sleep, almost eight months after they were born.  But eventually I found joy in being a mother and I feel like that increases the more I get to know my kids.

Max and Maya are excited about having a new brother.  They like to talk to my belly.  They ask a lot of questions about when the baby will come out, what he will eat and where he will sleep.  They are also both spending a lot of time these pretending to be parents to their dolls and toys.

I think we are all excited to have another member of our family.